Why the F*ck did you just eat 2 Poptarts.  At 10pm.

Frick Frack

You’ve been attacked by the munchies, but you know better!  So why are you giving in to temptation?  Especially after feeling so confident after bootcamp.  Why sabotage now?  Why?  Is it the fear again–or are you afraid of reaching your goals and getting what you want?  Maybe the compliments you’ve been getting are making you uncomfortable?  Or were you getting complacent and not respecting your addiction to food?

Why are you still using food as your comfort, your crutch? So much is going well in your life, especially your marriage.  What’s going on, Brianne?

Damn. 

My trainer asked me to write a bio for a “member spotlight” for the YMCA and I am SO not feeling it tonight.  Thank goodness tomorrow is a new day.

Gastric Bypass surgery.  Yep, I want to talk about my opinion on bariatric surgery.

First, let me preface this by saying that I’ve known 4 people–quite well–who have had this procedure.  I also do medical billing for my aunt, who does the psychological testing prior to surgery.  I am privy to these files and MANY, MANY times, I see women with my exact stats preparing for surgery: Under 30, on the low end of 5 feet tall and 230-250lbs.  Exactly where I used to be.  Old me. 

I am not judging people who chose to have this surgery but I’ll come right out and say it.  99 times out 100, I’m against gastric bypass*.   Why?  Because it doesn’t fix what’s going on in your brain!  No matter how small your stomach is, you need to know *why* your are overeating.  There are claims that it’s a “tool.”  As I see it, gastric bypass allows you to avoid your unhealthy relationship with food.

If this blog is any indication, I’ve learned so much about myself in the last 9 months. 

  • What it feels like to pick myself up when I fail instead of burying my head in the fridge.
  • How awesome it is to accomplish something I didn’t think I could do.
  • How satisfying it is to see muscles emerging where flesh just hung.
  • That my mind is much more powerful than I ever gave it credit for before.
  • I’m worth improving.
  • that eating healthy is not a difficult or tasteless.
  • When I am strong, I feel better about myself.  When I feel better about myself, I am happier.  When I am happier, it rubs off on others. I’m so much more positive in spirit now and it’s contagious.  I love that.
  • I’ve learned that I can stop myself from snacking oblivion (I still have to make a conscious decision not to, but I now know I can)
  • I am capable of amazing things!

Could I have learned some of these things if I had taken the Gastric Bypass Route?  Maybe–I doubt the exercise ones, though.  Before I was fit, I thought exercise was a joke.  I’m fairly certain that if I had taken that route, I probably wouldn’t have exercised much.  And now, it’s just so ingrained in my daily life that I hardly remember life before fitness.  I love being strong and capable.  I love pushing and achieving. 

That’s what we need to do with these fat teenagers to build self-esteem and teach good habits!  There is nothing like the endorphin high I get when I am enjoying my exercise–I swear it could move mountains of self-loathing in others if I could bottle it! 

And I guess when I boil this issue down to it’s essence, I am sad that many GB patients  (at least the 4 I know personally) seem to not  learn these lessons that have been so instrumental in my journey.  I think it’s a crying shame that insurance will pay for GB long before it would ever pay for a team of therapist, nutritionist & trainer.  And honestly, I hope medicine advances enough that in 20 years, GB will sound ridiculously outdated and barbaric, kinda like bloodletting sounds to us now. 

Really and truly, I want to be gentle and not hurt anyone’s feelings because the four people I know who have had GB are great people and I care for them.  And  because I *was* that person–fat, unhappy with my body, on the brink of sink or swim. I so get it.  Really, I do.

Often, I have heard that a patient has “tried everything.”  How could that be?  Have the GB patients* truly “tried everything?”  I can’t help but think they haven’t.  Because if they had addressed ALL areas–mental, physical and dietary, then success would be MUCH more likely, wouldn’t it?   Oprah calls it the “aha moment.”  Something about the mentality surrounding  GB feels like a runaway train–you can’t stop it even if you want to.  I just want to scream–IT’S NOT LIKE THAT!  You can stop it with self-examination.  There is no surgery for that.  There’s no short cut. 

 But gosh, is it rewarding.

Hitting publish and hoping that I haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings.

*I do understand that there are people who are at a point where the surgery is the only option.  Unfortunately, I believe there are actually very few of those patients.

Recently, I read a discussion about body image.  In it, one woman said she HATES her body.

 

Oh my.

I’m so dismayed by this, yet I know it is a common sentiment among us women. 

Hate–verb: 

1. to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.

And we as women feel that way towards our bodies?  The same bodies that house our souls.  Gestate, carry and nurture our children.  The body that allows us to be self-sufficient and capable.  Our bodies are amazing vessels.

Hate.  I just can’t get over reading that!  Why would a woman hate her own flesh?  Because it doesn’t meet an impossible standard?

It took me a long time to understand that I was never going to be willow-y.  It’s just not my body type–no matter how much I lose, I won’t magically have long arms and legs and be 5′ 8″.  And seriously, it took me a while to get over that.  So much so I let that be a reason to give up on being healthy back in the day.

I am 5′ 3″.  I am an apple body shape–meaning I have very little waist definition.  My butt is flat.  I have large breast that make my back hurt and force me to wear a corset-like sports bra.  I have  a fleshy belly from being overweight, pregnant, extreme stretch marks and then 2 c-sections.  My arms have wing flaps. 

But you know what?  I have two beautiful children to show for those stretch marks. I nourished both of them with my breasts. My arms can do many push-ups and lift heavy objects.  Sure, it’s not perfect.  Hell, it’s so far from “ideal” that it’s laughable.  But it serves me well.  I am amazed at what my body is capable of, what I have pushed it to accomplish.

 Today, I have a training session.  Before writing this post, I was feeling a bit apathetic about it.  Now, I just want to go in there and wipe the floor with my physical prowess, LOL.  So in a super-cheesy way, I am dedicating my session today to all the women who hate their bodies.  I am going to show the world and myself that our bodies are awe-inspiring despite the outward appearance.

Please, if you are reading this, take a moment to find *something* you like about your body.  Something, anything.  And please, be kind to yourself in your actions and how you talk to yourself.  You wouldn’t tell a friend some of the things you tell yourself, would you?  So be kind to yourself, ladies.  Please.

Don’t piss me off when I’m having trouble sleeping!

Here is a list of the 20 Worst Foods in America.  I am flabbergasted.  Of course, I knew that these foods couldn’t be good, but I had NO clue they were so freaking terrible!

This one really blew my hair back because it seems so innocent: the words “cheese” or “super” or “double” are no where.  It’s *just* spaghetti & meatballs, right?

Macaroni Grill Spaghetti and Meatballs with Meat Sauce

2,430 calories
128 g fat
207 g carbs
5,290 mg sodium

HOLY SHIT!
 

 I mean really, holy shit!  There are people (like I used to be) who ate like that 3x a day!  I am just so completely astounded.  I almost have no words–ha, ha!  For those who know me, that’s a pretty rare occurrence.

What pisses me off:  this nutritional info is no where on the menu at Macaroni Grill.  You have to look it up on their website (which I am not linking purposefully) beforehand.  Who does that?  Well, I do, but most Americans don’t. I would bet a billion dollars that if you asked any random person in a restaurant if they could guess the nutritional information in their food, 9 times out of 10 that person would totally low-ball the estimate.  We have no clue just HOW bad restaurant food is for us. God, the sodium alone makes my blood pressure rise just looking at the number!

This is a f*cking conspiracy to keep us fat, unhealthy and UNHAPPY, and poor!  If we are unhappy, we’ll console ourselves with food.  I know because I’ve done it/do it!

Healthy food can taste great.  I’ve been cooking that way for 6 months now and it’s not that freaking hard! 

 

For the first year EVAH, I will not be making the “lose weight” resolution!  Since I’ve been getting healthy since way back in July, I don’t have to beat myself up on January 1st this year!  I can’t even begin to describe what a weight off my shoulders (or belly) this is!  Maybe I’ll just add a few more exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously though, I think I’ve been making the traditional weight-loss goal for at least 12 years.  And now that I reflect back on it, I think NOT starting on January 1st was helpful for me.  There was no pressure that I was going to blow it for the whole year, yk?  There was no waiting for January 1st to roll around, eating like a fiend because I only had a month of “freedom” left.   No attitude that I was being punished for gluttony.

So I say, Screw January 1st!  Start right this second and make just one better choice.  Just a tiny one, like 1 peice of cake instead of two. A banana instead of the cake, even. 

I’m not sure exactly when the holidays became about gluttony and over-consumption.  And it’s over-consumption of everything from food to things.  We are gluttonous as a society, aren’t we? I’m guilty of it, so I do understand.  It feels so good to have more than enough.  It’s comforting to know that you couldn’t possibly eat all the food prepared for Christmas dinner. It’s in our DNA to want more than we need–to stockpile for future use. 

So what is to be my resolution this new year?  Well, I want to be less gluttonous in general.  And I want to craft more, both alone and with my kids.  I want to be much more creative this new year.