Not the actual day I was born.  Reborn.  Reborn into a person determined to reach her goals and become healthy. Let me tell you a bit about what was going on over a year ago.  We had just watched my beloved father-in-law suffer in his last days on Earth from colon cancer.  I was fat and secretly unhappy.  I was so, so negative about everything.  I sat on the couch and stuffed my face most days.  But that was then.

 How about some comparison pics?

Okay, I had JUST given birth 2 days before, but I swear I was the same size 4 months later.  240lbs or so?  God knows I wasn’t stepping on any scales.

This was taken yesterday: 187lbs.

and again:  Last year in June, about 3 weeks before the new lifestyle.

and recently:

I just realized I have nearly no full body pics before or after.  I’ll have to do some digging.

Anyway, it’s important to note that I have not yet reached my goal.  I still have 25-27lbs to lose.  But I WILL do it.  And that’s all I’m gonna say about that, LOL.

What I really want to write about is change.  Sometimes I wonder if everything about me has changed–it certainly seems so on many days. True, my body is nearly 50lbs lighter, but I never anticipated the transformation on the emotional/mental level.  I’m nicer and more positive.  I hope that I’m less quick to jump to a negative comment.  I have less fear.  I have dreams and goals I never saw for myself at the beginning of this journey. I’m proud of myself.

A big part of my success is my trainer, Fred.  I honestly don’t know where I would be if he hadn’t come into my life.  Would I still be on the stupid cardio machines, learning nothing and then stalling out and quitting?  I tend to think so.  He has given me so much–the tools to succeed, the focus, the emotional support.  He has been Sacajawea to my Lewis & Clark.  He helped me break out of my shell of fear.  Gosh, I was so scared of looking stupid at the gym!  I was scared of everything!  I say this without hesitation: he’s the greatest teacher I’ve had.

I truly “get it” now.  The mind/body connection.  What fitness and strength feel like.   I have this thirst for life that I’ve never had before.  There is no perfection.  I still struggle with overeating–and probably always will.  But I know how to get back up on the horse now.

This has been the best year of my life.  I feel like I’ve taken great strides in becoming myself.

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My husband gave me my Mother’s Day present today!  A cruiser bike!  I’ve been wanting one of these for a long time.  I love that it’s Powder Blue!  He totally surprised me–I had not even a tiny inkling of his plans.  I love that man.  I love that I chose him to be my partner in life and the father of my children.  I’m not saying that because he gave me the bike, but I must admit, he’s a great gift-giver. 

Until recently, I wasn’t really a bike rider.  But I’ve been taking spin class (love it–another post about this coming soon) a few times a week and we drug a bike trailer that someone gave us last year down from the hooks on the garage.  And I ride, with the kids in the trailer, pretty much every evening after supper. It keeps me from snacking.  It’s great!  I love the feel of the wind in my face and hearing my kids laugh behind me.  I think bike riding is my “thing.”  Some prefer running.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be a runner and now that I’ve found biking, that’s okay with me.

What really strikes me is that if you had told me a year ago that I would get a BICYCLE for Mother’s Day and be estatic about it, I would have just laughed in disbelief.  Who is this active person I’ve become?  It boggles my mind and makes me smile.  I love the new me.  A friend sent me a picture of myself that was taken about a month after I started getting healthy.

Well, heck.  Here’s the pic, I’m in green (hahaha)  I was actually down 20lbs from my starting weight in this pic.   

 Georgia's_1st_birthday_038

And here is last night, in pink, down 43lbs from starting weight.
Franklin Date night

It’s unreal to me that sometimes I don’t understand just how far I’ve come. I need pictures like these to help cement the change in my mind.

I realize I’ve posted quite a few pics of myself recently.  Thank goodness this is MY blog, hahahahaha.  But really, it’s because I feel so good about myself.  I love being fit and strong. And for the first time in a LONG time, I like the way I look!

Quite possibly, this is the best pic I’ve taken in years.

This was at the end of March, about 190lbs.  I really need to get a body shaper, huh?  or suck in more often, lol!  Forgive the no makeup look, please.  I am not loving the outer curve of my upper arm but I do love that those jeans are a size 12!  Oh, by the way, I’m the one in the green!

 

 

 

Stark contrast to my last picture, huh?

Both literally and figuratively.

Literal:  What a freaking workout!  Jeez, I went to pick up a 40lb kettlebell and I could feel the bile rising.  I have never exercised so hard that I felt pukey!  And I’m so mind warped now (lol) that I am proud of getting pukey!  Granted, I am getting over the stomach bug, but still!

Figurative:

This picture from May of this year.  Two months before I started this whole shebang, but basically the same weight as when I began:

Cute baby 🙂  But man, oh man!  I looked TERRIBLE!  I felt TERRIBLE!  I had zero energy or zest in my life.  I was so, so, so lazy.

The reason I bring this up is that my trainer has requested before photos.  Like most fat people, I’ve avoided the camera very successfully.  I have none of me by myself before.  But I did want pictures of me with my kids, so at least one of them is in all the before photos.  I didn’t want something  to happen to me and there be no pictures for my kids to look at. (I’m a bit morbid.  But when you’ve lost both your in-laws, these thoughts come up.)

I kinda thought I wanted to destroy some of these pics, but I think I should keep them now.  They show how far I’ve come and make me realize how badly I don’t want to go back.

I decided to post a picture from Sept 18.–so almost a month ago. And 3.5lbs ago, too.  A friend recently posted it on her Myspace and I nearly didn’t recognize myself.  I’ll do a full body shot for 30lbs lost.

Brianne & maren by you.