Not the actual day I was born.  Reborn.  Reborn into a person determined to reach her goals and become healthy. Let me tell you a bit about what was going on over a year ago.  We had just watched my beloved father-in-law suffer in his last days on Earth from colon cancer.  I was fat and secretly unhappy.  I was so, so negative about everything.  I sat on the couch and stuffed my face most days.  But that was then.

 How about some comparison pics?

Okay, I had JUST given birth 2 days before, but I swear I was the same size 4 months later.  240lbs or so?  God knows I wasn’t stepping on any scales.

This was taken yesterday: 187lbs.

and again:  Last year in June, about 3 weeks before the new lifestyle.

and recently:

I just realized I have nearly no full body pics before or after.  I’ll have to do some digging.

Anyway, it’s important to note that I have not yet reached my goal.  I still have 25-27lbs to lose.  But I WILL do it.  And that’s all I’m gonna say about that, LOL.

What I really want to write about is change.  Sometimes I wonder if everything about me has changed–it certainly seems so on many days. True, my body is nearly 50lbs lighter, but I never anticipated the transformation on the emotional/mental level.  I’m nicer and more positive.  I hope that I’m less quick to jump to a negative comment.  I have less fear.  I have dreams and goals I never saw for myself at the beginning of this journey. I’m proud of myself.

A big part of my success is my trainer, Fred.  I honestly don’t know where I would be if he hadn’t come into my life.  Would I still be on the stupid cardio machines, learning nothing and then stalling out and quitting?  I tend to think so.  He has given me so much–the tools to succeed, the focus, the emotional support.  He has been Sacajawea to my Lewis & Clark.  He helped me break out of my shell of fear.  Gosh, I was so scared of looking stupid at the gym!  I was scared of everything!  I say this without hesitation: he’s the greatest teacher I’ve had.

I truly “get it” now.  The mind/body connection.  What fitness and strength feel like.   I have this thirst for life that I’ve never had before.  There is no perfection.  I still struggle with overeating–and probably always will.  But I know how to get back up on the horse now.

This has been the best year of my life.  I feel like I’ve taken great strides in becoming myself.

I am seriously thinking about becoming a personal trainer.  I stay at home with my kids now (although we are  NEVER home, LOL) but eventually, I’ll go back to work.  My baby is not even a year and half old, so it will be a while, but I haven’t thought of one single job in the five years I’ve been a mom that I would actually like.  Iam SO not a desk job kinda gal.  I worked in a grocery store doing the pricing in my pre-mom former life.  Going back to work has always been in the back of my mind, though.  I’m very fortunate in that I don’t need insurance or to work full time. 

I have been kicking the idea around in my head quite fleetingly. Like in a no-way-could-I-do-that sorta way.  But the idea kept popping up.  Then yesterday, I was working out with a woman who is in my HIM class.  She is not quite at my fitness level, so I was showing her some stuff on the TRX.  Fred and another gym friend of mine come up to me and say that they had been talking and had decided I should be a trainer.  Then Fred pipes up and says he’s gonna  make me his protege, his female counterpart!

Eeeeek!

Fred and I do this often–he’ll say something out-of-blue that I had been mulling over unbeknownst to him.  It’s a little freaky, actually.  Hahaha!

I’m not even sure how to wrap my brain around all this, but I find it really appealing.  I do want to help people get fit and change their lives.  I would especially like to work with people who want to avoid gastric bypass.  I mean, I do have the perspective of what being fat is like and I’m going to have the experience of reaching my goal!  The schedule would be pretty flexible since I probably wouldn’t work 40 hours.  And if I work somewhere like the Y, they have child care.

I’m just kinda flabbergasted by the whole thing.  Me?  A trainer?  Part of me wants to laugh and part of me is all, “hell yeah!”

We shall see.  But the seed has definitely been planted.

I’m giggling to myself over this title.  Duuuuude, it’s like Zen, man.  Okay, well I entertain myself at least!  hahaha!

But what I’m getting at is that I’ve come to a really great place, emotionally.  More about that in a bit.

I don’t think I ever wrote about having a sluggish thyroid.  I found out during my physical back in May–I take 25micrograms of the generic Synthroid.  At first, I was pretty irritated that I was on a daily medication.  That’s for old people, right?  Apparently, it’s for me, too.  I’m finally starting to see a tiny bit of difference.  When I am really exerting myself the tendency to get dizzy has greatly diminished.  I go back in August to have my blood drawn and see if I’m on the correct dosage for my deficiency.

In exercise news, I’m on week 3 of H.I.M. training.  (High Intensity Metabolic) Whew, this class kills!  It’s all based around doing a certain exercise for a length of time and then a rest period.  As the intensity increases and our tolerance levels increase, the rest time decreases.  For example, today we ran a series of sprints.  Each 45 seconds long with a  15 second rest period before starting the next sprint.  After 4 sets of sprints, we got 2 minutes to get water, etc.  Then onto another series.  This style of training is supposed to target belly fat specifically.  I sure hope so!  I actually started the class weighing in at 191lbs (thanks to being on my cycle and a BAD case of the munchies!)  I’m down to 186lbs and hopefully will lose 5-6 more pounds. I would love, love, love to see a 179 on that scale!

I’ve also been doing bootcamp on Saturdays for the last six weeks.  It’s hard in a different way than H.I.M. training.  I find it requires a lot more mental toughness–I suspect that’s mainly because of the jogging, which I still hate.  Perhaps if I enjoyed running, bootcamp would be less difficult….nah, my trainer would just find ways to make it more difficult! 

Running has become my cardio of choice when I’m not at HIM class or bootcamp.  I’m training for a 5k on September 26th.  Considering that I really dislike running, this is pretty amazing. I’ve run a few test 5ks on the treadmill (which in NO way simulates running outdoors in the heat or the hills in the town hosting the 5k) and I’ve come in around 36-37minutes with a bit of walking. Not too shabby, in my opinion.

On the eating front, I still struggle with snacking and overeating.  But I’m doing better.  Yesterday was a spectacular day, eating-wise.  I heard two quotes that really hit home for me.  One was from Farrah Fawcett via Ryan O’Neal–she said something along the lines of “that even if you are losing the battle, you have to keep fighting.”  and then Fred said that I could undo all the hard work I’ve put in at the gym by eating poorly.  Both very true.  I’ve worked so, so hard–why am I letting food stop me–after a YEAR of this?!?!?  Man, you’d think I’d have this on lockdown after a year, but I don’t.  But I do know that I can handle it.  That’s where the zen comes in.  It will happen.

Have I neglected my blog or what?  I’m so bad at consistency!  I’m still on track–just summer is so busy and full!  Here’s a quick overview of what I’ve been up to:

weight: hovering around 186-187lbs.

Fitness:  two high-intensity workouts, one boot camp and 2 running sessions a week.  I’ll write more about the HIM class soon!

Night-time snacking:  doing better at keeping it in check–not perfect but an improvement.

New breakfast:  Chocolate oats!  YUM!  To cooked oatmeal, add 1.5 teaspoons of Dutch process cocoa and sweetener of choice to taste. I use splenda right now.

that’s all for now, but I’ve got lots to share!

On June 15th, I will start taking H.I.M. Training class.  I *think* that stands for High Intensity Metabolic Training.  All I know is that it’s gonna kick my butt!  The main reason I’m doing this class instead of the weekly bootcamp is that this class is on site at the Y and child care is provided. 

I’m really going to miss bootcamp, though.

The class runs twice a week (Monday & Wednesday) for 6 weeks.  I have a goal of dropping 10lbs during the course.  I will have my eating en pointe–especially during that 6 weeks. I even made a pot of zero-point soup* and portioned it out for my lunches for the next two weeks.  I’ll do my own workout on Fridays.  Cardio on Tues, Thurs, Sat–in preparation for the 5k.  That’s the plan.

*I didn’t follow this recipe as I don’t generally follow recipes.  But this is a good start.

I ran 30 minutes, non stop today. That equalled just over 2.5miles! 

I can hardly believe it!  Jeez, a 5k is only 3.1 miles–I’ll totally be able to do that.  I think I’m gonna do the one in Woodbury in September and the one in November.

Take that, mutherhumpin’ Poptarts!  Hiiiii-yah!

Why the F*ck did you just eat 2 Poptarts.  At 10pm.

Frick Frack

You’ve been attacked by the munchies, but you know better!  So why are you giving in to temptation?  Especially after feeling so confident after bootcamp.  Why sabotage now?  Why?  Is it the fear again–or are you afraid of reaching your goals and getting what you want?  Maybe the compliments you’ve been getting are making you uncomfortable?  Or were you getting complacent and not respecting your addiction to food?

Why are you still using food as your comfort, your crutch? So much is going well in your life, especially your marriage.  What’s going on, Brianne?

Damn. 

My trainer asked me to write a bio for a “member spotlight” for the YMCA and I am SO not feeling it tonight.  Thank goodness tomorrow is a new day.