I haven’t written in nearly 2 months.  Whoa, Nelly.

Rather than dwell on why I haven’t written, I’m just gonna write.

I’m holding steady around 185lbs.  Eating has been crappy for various reasons–which is not to say I’ve given up, but I’ve been making some poor choices out of weakness, peer pressure and other environmental factors.  I’ve also not been giving 100% at the gym.

Why?  I think I’m feeling complacent.  I’m wearing a size 10 (which, man, does that feel so good!) in some jeans.  I feel really good about my appearance and my self-esteem is good.  I think the problem is my focus—and this is going to sound so conceited, but I’m getting some of the attention I’ve always wanted and I have less incentive to continue, in a way.

I’ve always maintained that I am doing this for myself.  My goal is 160. I am willing myself to buckle down and reach my goal.

I’m still doing the High Intensity Metabolic classes.  My group has such a wonderful chemistry that it makes class better.  Fred is such a creative person, fitness-wise.  Just when I think I’ve reached a great fitness level, he introduces something that makes me go “Jeez!”  We do circuits now in timed intervals.    I really enjoy it!


I’ve been avoiding my blog.  I do this when I don’t have anything happy to write, which is stupid, since I use this blog in lieu of therapy and who needs therapy for happy stuff?

I’ll be back later tonight.  I’m no longer MIA.  Not that anyone is reading this, LOL, but I like to pretend!  ahahahahah!

I’ve picked up some old habits again.  The main one being snacking alone at night after the kids go to bed.  Sigh.

Since this habit is usually stress-induced, it’s time for a little self-reflection.  And since you’re my lucky readers, you get to come with me!

Okay, what’s bothering me?

1.  I’m plateauing like a mother right now.  I am extremely frustrated with this.  I’ve ramped up my exercise like crazy and yet, no weight is coming off.  I think my middle is smaller, but I don’t really know.  I did buy my first ever size L shirt, tho. That was nice.

2.  I’ve made the decision that I will become a personal trainer yet can’t accomplish my own goals.  How am I supposed to help anyone else?  This one is particularly nuts because I don’t plan on even starting on certifications until next year.  I’ve got lots of time, yk?

Three friends of mine have given me pep talks and while I’m feeling a bit better, I’m still not feeling in control.  I still feel like as soon as I’m alone, I’ll stuff my face.

What are you really hungry for, Brianne?

Success.  Size 8 jeans.  Perspective, since I seem to have temporarily lost mine. Courage. Perseverence. Belief in myself.  Clarity.

Have I neglected my blog or what?  I’m so bad at consistency!  I’m still on track–just summer is so busy and full!  Here’s a quick overview of what I’ve been up to:

weight: hovering around 186-187lbs.

Fitness:  two high-intensity workouts, one boot camp and 2 running sessions a week.  I’ll write more about the HIM class soon!

Night-time snacking:  doing better at keeping it in check–not perfect but an improvement.

New breakfast:  Chocolate oats!  YUM!  To cooked oatmeal, add 1.5 teaspoons of Dutch process cocoa and sweetener of choice to taste. I use splenda right now.

that’s all for now, but I’ve got lots to share!

I went shopping on Thursday.  I needed new clothes in the worst way.  The best part was that I learned I’m a size 12 in jeans.  And not just in one brand either!  The worst part is trying on a hundred pairs to find one if you’re lucky.  But hey, they were 12’s and not 22’s.  It was actually the first shopping trip I’ve had as an adult where I didn’t go into the plus size area.  Man, what a milestone!

 I finally broke down and bought a body shaper.

If I had known how AMAZING it would make me look in my clothes, I would have bought one a long time ago!   It smoothes out all the pizza-dough lumpiness and firms everything up.  And since it’s a camisole, it doesn’t smoosh the booty I’ve done a million lunges to create.  Plus, it gives me this invisible confidence that comes from not having to suck it in all the time, hahahaha!

I can’t believe I’ve decided to do the boot camp.  I’m all in.  I finished the other “half” of my training session today and I was Fred’s guinea pig for his boot camp ideas.  He is so excited about it and that excitement is contagious.  I am half terrified, half pumped!

Today’s session remined me why I love working with a trainer.  He’s so darned imaginative!  For instance, today I did a bunch of exercises that utilized paper plates.  Yes, paper plates.  Those things are slippery on a basketball court which is why he had me using them–they forced me to use my core strength to keep from sliding.  How unique is that?    I would have NEVER thought of that in a million years.  I was doing push-ups on them and on each up stroke, I pushed one hand to the other.  That was ridiculously hard.   Then I had to inchworm across the floor using just my abs to propel me–that was even harder!

But the craziest thing he had me do was crunches.  While sitting on him.  He was on all fours and I had to sit on his hip area with my feet tucked under his armpits.  Then I had to do a crunch.  The further back I leaned, the farther forward he had to lean to offset my weight.  Talk about crazy!  He was even sweating my the end of it, hahahahaha!  I love it! 

I feel so lucky to have Fred for a trainer.  He’s just so good at his job.  Anytime I need him, if he’s not busy with someone else, he’s so willing to listen/write a new plan/stretch me/roll out my calves/recipe ideas, whatever I need of him.   Even if I haven’t requested his attention, he’ll come up and ask how my day and workout is going and give me suggestions or encouragement.  Considering all the time I’ve required of him, I probably should have paid him twice over.

I was really in the zone today.  The techniques were hard, but I wasn’t mentally defeating myself like last time.  I felt so positive and strong.  I’m almost back to where I was and it feels so damned good.  Trust me, I will NEVER again take a month off unless I’m forced to.  I was talking to Fred and another client of his today about how getting out of your workout routine leads to mental sloth.  It’s true.  The less I exercise, the less I want to. The less I want to, the cloudier my mind gets.  When my mind is cloudy, I’m not as happy as I could be.   Once again I am learning about that mind/body connection! 

I can hardly believe that I used to have no insight into the mind/body connection.  What a waste!  Not anymore, though!

yay, another place I can find something healthy!


Okay, it’s not perfect.  But it’s a damned lot better!

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