I’ve been kinda incognito.  Or should I say, avoiding my blog.  Why? you may ask.

I’ve fallen off the bandwagon a bit.  My eating was out of control for close to two weeks, I think. My self-esteem was slipping again and I was making poor choices. Again.  I’ve been wracking my brain, but the reason has yet to come to me.  Maybe I’ve gotten complacent.  I know I have some HORRIBLE habits, like eating in front of the computer and late night snacking.  They are so ingrained that I’ve become conditioned like one of Pavlov’s dogs.  Now when I hop onto the computer, my habit tells me I’m hungry even if I’m not.  Gahhhhh!

What I’ve learned so far during this whole shebang is that, for me at least, it’s full of medium or small “come to Jesus” moments rather than one huge one that keeps me focused the whole time.  If I had written this post last night, it would have been full of doubt and defeat.  This morning, I watched a dumb makeover show that normally wouldn’t affect me.  But today it did.  Today, it helped me re-focus again.

I’m still working with my trainer but I’m not losing any pounds because my eating has been so out of control.  Not as bad as I used to be but still REALLY off track.

My mini-goal was to lose 10lbs while working with the trainer.  I’ve only got three sessions left, so I highly doubt that I will reach that goal.  I just want to get down to 199.  That’s the new goal for the end of my training.  I’m really sad about my training coming to an end.  I really and truly need about 20 more sessions but there is no way I can afford that with Christmas coming, etc.

Advertisements