Struggling lately.

I’ve picked up some old habits again.  The main one being snacking alone at night after the kids go to bed.  Sigh.

Since this habit is usually stress-induced, it’s time for a little self-reflection.  And since you’re my lucky readers, you get to come with me!

Okay, what’s bothering me?

1.  I’m plateauing like a mother right now.  I am extremely frustrated with this.  I’ve ramped up my exercise like crazy and yet, no weight is coming off.  I think my middle is smaller, but I don’t really know.  I did buy my first ever size L shirt, tho. That was nice.

2.  I’ve made the decision that I will become a personal trainer yet can’t accomplish my own goals.  How am I supposed to help anyone else?  This one is particularly nuts because I don’t plan on even starting on certifications until next year.  I’ve got lots of time, yk?

Three friends of mine have given me pep talks and while I’m feeling a bit better, I’m still not feeling in control.  I still feel like as soon as I’m alone, I’ll stuff my face.

What are you really hungry for, Brianne?

Success.  Size 8 jeans.  Perspective, since I seem to have temporarily lost mine. Courage. Perseverence. Belief in myself.  Clarity.

 

A Whole New Level!

I am in week 5 of the High Intensity Metabolic Training.  HIM, from here on out.  This is the most intense hour!  We’ve reached the level where we get little to no rest and are upping the difficulty at the same time.

First of all, I want to say what an amazing group of women we are!  Ages ranging from me (I just realized I’m the baby!) nearly 30-nearly 50.  And we all rock it out!

After warm-up, we went straight into our first sequence.  24 squats, 24 lunges, 24 split jumps and then 12 squat jumps.  We did that sequence 3 times without stopping.  I’m thinking it took us 7 minutes or so–but I’m not sure.  Those last squat jumps burned so badly but I just set my jaw and decided I was going to push through all the messages in my brain telling me to STOP!  I was so proud of myself for busting the last little bit as hard as I could.

With only a 2 minute break (which felt like 30 seconds), we went into a circuit.  There were five stations:  walking push-ups, rows on the TRX, ball slams against the gym wall, wall pushs and lateral squat jumps (I think they are called this–squatting and jumping around 180 degrees, as fast as possible).  It was 50 seconds on, 10 seconds to get to your next station and set up.  We did this circuit twice.  I found the rows to be the hardest today because my forearms are SO sore from Monday’s workout.

Then the fun stuff really got going!  I’m so excited just writing about it!

We went outside for another circuit:

  1. dragging and then pushing a tractor tire.  The tire had ropes and 2 rings attached.  So you pull the tire  down the line, facing the tire and walking backwards and then on the way back you push against the ring with the tire behind you.  Friction is the name of the game on this one–that tire does what tires are meant to do: grip pavement!  This was a challenging leg of the circuit.

2.  Flipping tractor tires end over end.  I have no clue how heavy that tire is but I can tell you it’s probably 5′ high.  I’m only 5′3″!  But that’s the tire I use because the other ones wouldn’t challenge me enough.  (okay, a bit of bragging there!).  There were actually 2 tires at this station for 2 people.

3.  Pushing Fred’s car in the YMCA parking lot!  I know, I can’t believe it either!  While one person is pushing, the driver is taking a rest and steering the car.  I would roughly estimate the length we pushed the car to be 75 yards.  I may be way off on that, though.  There was a turn, too, that was slightly uphill. I lost momentum and the car stopped!  Fred gave us all a hand getting up the slight hill.  Talk about EXHAUSTING!  But we all did it–how awesome is that?!?!?!

After we were all spent and had stretched, we had a group hug.  That sounds so cheesy, but I feel like this group is my team and we went through something difficult and were successful.  It’s amazing how that bonds people.  I feel like I’ve found my fitness tribe.

 

It’s like Zen, man.

I’m giggling to myself over this title.  Duuuuude, it’s like Zen, man.  Okay, well I entertain myself at least!  hahaha!

But what I’m getting at is that I’ve come to a really great place, emotionally.  More about that in a bit.

I don’t think I ever wrote about having a sluggish thyroid.  I found out during my physical back in May–I take 25micrograms of the generic Synthroid.  At first, I was pretty irritated that I was on a daily medication.  That’s for old people, right?  Apparently, it’s for me, too.  I’m finally starting to see a tiny bit of difference.  When I am really exerting myself the tendency to get dizzy has greatly diminished.  I go back in August to have my blood drawn and see if I’m on the correct dosage for my deficiency.

In exercise news, I’m on week 3 of H.I.M. training.  (High Intensity Metabolic) Whew, this class kills!  It’s all based around doing a certain exercise for a length of time and then a rest period.  As the intensity increases and our tolerance levels increase, the rest time decreases.  For example, today we ran a series of sprints.  Each 45 seconds long with a  15 second rest period before starting the next sprint.  After 4 sets of sprints, we got 2 minutes to get water, etc.  Then onto another series.  This style of training is supposed to target belly fat specifically.  I sure hope so!  I actually started the class weighing in at 191lbs (thanks to being on my cycle and a BAD case of the munchies!)  I’m down to 186lbs and hopefully will lose 5-6 more pounds. I would love, love, love to see a 179 on that scale!

I’ve also been doing bootcamp on Saturdays for the last six weeks.  It’s hard in a different way than H.I.M. training.  I find it requires a lot more mental toughness–I suspect that’s mainly because of the jogging, which I still hate.  Perhaps if I enjoyed running, bootcamp would be less difficult….nah, my trainer would just find ways to make it more difficult! 

Running has become my cardio of choice when I’m not at HIM class or bootcamp.  I’m training for a 5k on September 26th.  Considering that I really dislike running, this is pretty amazing. I’ve run a few test 5ks on the treadmill (which in NO way simulates running outdoors in the heat or the hills in the town hosting the 5k) and I’ve come in around 36-37minutes with a bit of walking. Not too shabby, in my opinion.

On the eating front, I still struggle with snacking and overeating.  But I’m doing better.  Yesterday was a spectacular day, eating-wise.  I heard two quotes that really hit home for me.  One was from Farrah Fawcett via Ryan O’Neal–she said something along the lines of “that even if you are losing the battle, you have to keep fighting.”  and then Fred said that I could undo all the hard work I’ve put in at the gym by eating poorly.  Both very true.  I’ve worked so, so hard–why am I letting food stop me–after a YEAR of this?!?!?  Man, you’d think I’d have this on lockdown after a year, but I don’t.  But I do know that I can handle it.  That’s where the zen comes in.  It will happen.

 

Something New

On June 15th, I will start taking H.I.M. Training class.  I *think* that stands for High Intensity Metabolic Training.  All I know is that it’s gonna kick my butt!  The main reason I’m doing this class instead of the weekly bootcamp is that this class is on site at the Y and child care is provided. 

I’m really going to miss bootcamp, though.

The class runs twice a week (Monday & Wednesday) for 6 weeks.  I have a goal of dropping 10lbs during the course.  I will have my eating en pointe–especially during that 6 weeks. I even made a pot of zero-point soup* and portioned it out for my lunches for the next two weeks.  I’ll do my own workout on Fridays.  Cardio on Tues, Thurs, Sat–in preparation for the 5k.  That’s the plan.

*I didn’t follow this recipe as I don’t generally follow recipes.  But this is a good start.

 

Unprecedented

I ran 30 minutes, non stop today. That equalled just over 2.5miles! 

I can hardly believe it!  Jeez, a 5k is only 3.1 miles–I’ll totally be able to do that.  I think I’m gonna do the one in Woodbury in September and the one in November.

Take that, mutherhumpin’ Poptarts!  Hiiiii-yah!

 

Best Bootcamp thus far

Saturday mornings have been taken over by bootcamp. I haven’t decided if I love it or not.  I do love the feeling I get afterwards:  accomplished, strong and tired!  I’m going to stick with it as long as I can. I really wish I could take the weekday classes but child care + the cost of boot camp is a bit much.

This morning went much better than last week.  Last week, I kept getting dizzy.  Getting dizzy made me frustrated and in turn, pissed off.  Not my best performance by far.  Thank goodness today was good!  I was able to hang in there much better.

So far, bootcamp has only had 2 people participating.  I’m so used to such a small group that a large group would be so different–more people to screw things up! hahaha!  Some things were a bit funny today.  There was a newbie today named Rachel.  Rachel is super sweet but totally girly!  I kept telling her to harness her inner tomboy.  I think it took a bit for her to understand that this is supposed to be a BOOTCAMP experience.  By that, I mean Fred (instructor) doesn’t want us waving to people or getting distracted.  He really does want us to sing loudly in front of all the spectators on the greenway. Once she got that, she was great.  I enjoyed having Rachel there because she’s a cheerful person.  I tend to have a rain cloud over my head when I do poorly, so it was a nice dynamic.

It really took me back today–back to when I cared *so* much about how other people view me.  The old  me would have died before doing a bootcamp. (to be truthful the old me would have never survived a bootcamp, hahahaha)

I’ve still got 27lbs to lose.  I set a goal of a year.  I don’t think that’s going to happen, but I’ll keep on keeping on.  What can I say?  I finally feel like I am never going back to my old ways ever again.  It’s taken me 10 months to truly believe that I’ve changed.  No wonder people fall off the wagon permantly–10 months is a long damned time!

 

Hey Baby!

Sorry I’ve been MIA.  Just super busy.  And not much in the blogging mood. This is going to be a bit random.  Maybe I should bullet point, lol.

-The weather has been so nice that after supper that Husband and I put the kids in the bike trailer and go riding.  I am totally in love with cycling.  Okay, riding a cruiser isn’t cycling, per se, but if I said biking that would mean motorcycle, right?  Either way, it’s just the best.  I love the wind in my hair so, so much.  Husband even bought himself a shiny new bike so we can all ride together!  Now, we are contemplating an upgrade on our trailer.  In my grand scheme, I want to have a pop-up camper and for vacations we’d drive somewhere bike-friendly and camp and just be a family.  I want us to be that fit, active family.

-Exercise is going well.  Food is going well.  I’m feeling pretty zen about it all.  Once I busted 190lbs, things have been better in my mind.  For example, I had bootcamp on Saturday.  Purposely took Sunday off and Monday was Memorial Day and I was just too busy.  Well, Tuesday rolled around and I just didn’t make it to the gym for several reasons.  Did I freak out?  NO!  Because I knew I’d be in there Wednesday morning.  And while I did eat a brownie last night after supper, I know that I can control myself in the evening hours now.  I wouldn’t call it loosening up on myself.  It’s more like a new perspective.  That may be a crappy way to describe it, but it’s the best I’ve got.

-Yesterday, I ended up working out with one of the female trainers at the Y.  Informally.  It was an ego boost because I think I am in equally good shape as a TRAINER.  How crazy is that?  Fred was in the vicinity of our workout and I think he was really proud of me–he said, “Look at you, training the trainer!”  It was really fun working with this woman and I hope timing works out so that we can do it again. I think we could learn stuff from one another.

-I’ve been running on the treadmill again because I’ve committed myself to a 5k in November.  I’m not training for it yet, but trying to warm to the idea.  Right now, I do a 12 minute mile. In fact, I’ve been running a mile as a warm up before my workout.  A 5k is 3.125 miles.  So theoretically, it would take me just over 36 minutes to finish a 5k.  Yesterday, I ran for 15 minutes solid.  So I’ve got to triple that basically.  I’m pretty sure I can do it.  Luckily, I have a friend who is running with me!

 

Bootcamp! Hoo-rah!

Today was bootcamp. It’s being conducted by my trainer, Fred, but isn’t affliated with the Y at all.

I pull up this morning at the greenway, dark clouds over head.  Down in the parking lot, I see Fred all camo’d out with a whistle around his neck.  Holy heck.  I haven’t been that nervous in ages.  I was all twisty in the tummy.  What was it going to be like? Would I be able to hang in there?  What if I royally sucked?

See, what you have to understand is that I am very competitive.  It’s a bit ridiculous, actually.  I hate to lose or suck at anything.

Although nearly 10 people signed up, only 2 of us showed.  I guess they were scared of the rain.  So it was me and another lady, Kim, whom I estimate to be about 45.

Not surprisingly, there was a lot of running.  We even did the cadence singing like you see in the movies.  Lots of Hoo-rahs and O Yeahs.  Actually, the cadence singing was more helpful than I anticipated–it helped keep my mind off the fact that I hate to run and it helped me breathe.  We ran 2 miles today and while it wasn’t continuous, it was still 2 miles. The pace was very moderate–probably it was downright slow.  My guess is 5.2mph.  Slow.  But Kim and I were able to keep going without stopping, which for me right now is far more important than speed.

In between running, we did many different styles of push-ups, jumping jacks, sit-ups and partner exercises.  I had the toughest time at the end when he had us doing scissor kicks and flutter kicks.  Holy moly, was I tired by the 15th count of those.  And since I blew it right at the end, we had to start over. DOH!

Fred has this saying: PRIDE.  Personal Responsibilty In Daily Efforts.  He also talked about focusing on the small details so that the big stuff takes care of itself.  I find this really intriguing.  Because usually the sentiment is ‘don’t sweat the small stuff.’  And this is the opposite.  I’m not quite sure if I agree or not.  Hopefully, I’ll get a chance to ask him more about this, maybe get him to elaborate.

One day later:

OMG!  I am so sore.  My shoulders and back muscles are so sore from all the pushups.  Yikes.  I took today off and I’m taking tomorrow off to have a complete recovery.

 

Team Tara!

Are you watching the Biggest Loser?  I am!  I love, love, love Tara.  That girl kicks so much butt and I love watching her do it!  She inspires me so much after I watch–I actually watched BL this morning since my baby woke me up at the ungodly hour of 5am.  By the time the show was over, I was ready to hit the gym.  I called my trainer up to see if he could squeeze me in today and take advantage of the kickass attitude I had.  I told him I’d like to be my version of Tara!  Luckily, he could squeeze in a half hour session.

I can’t believe how much sweat he packed into a half hour.  Seriously.

I did 30 minutes on a treadmill at a 3.5mph, 8-9% incline–HR 155 to warm up.  I did this since the session was only 30 minutes.

Session:
20 kettlebell swings, 40lbs

No name: I’m in a pushup position, my trainer is puts his hands on my shoulders to push me backwards and I fight to keep him from doing it. I’m not supposed to sway or move back. He pulses the movement for 15 reps.

Medicine ball slams, 30 X12lbs (in a squat position, slam the ball down as hard as I can and catch it at waist height, repeat)

20 kettlebell swings with a quarter turn between each swing

30 more medicine ball slams

Don’t know what to call these, but I had to be in a push up positon and hop my feet onto a bench and down–20 times. On the second set, i had to do a push-up every 5 count.

15 standard pushups

This is a crazy one–I was lying on my stomach on a mat. My trainer, who is standing over me, rolls a medicine ball down the backs of my legs. when it reaches my heels, I pop it up as hard as I can back to him. It seems easy at first, but the old hammies are burning by the end. This was in a set with what I’m calling turbo crunches–I do a sit up with my trainer bracing my feet and as soon as I get to the top, he pushed me back down except I am supposed to fight being pushed. This was very hard! 15 of these, alternated with the leg-ball-rolly thing, lol. So, 20 total ball rolly things and 30 turbo crunches.

48 wounded soldiers–I was supposed to do this on one hand, but it was too difficult. So I used 2 hands–basically, I’m down on my hands and one foot, hopping along with the lifted leg held straight behind me. They look goofy, but my quads were on fire!

What an amazing workout it was!  Once again, I’ve proven to myself that attitude is the biggest factor in succeeding.  When I feel like I can kick ass, I do. And when my attitude sucks, so does my workout.  I’m not sure why I have to learn this lesson over and over but I am confident that one day it will stick.

Fred’s starting a boot camp.  5 sessions a week for a month and you can come to as many or as few as you’d like.  And they won’t all be just at the Y–various parks and other places.  He really wants me to join because he knows I’m fueled by competition and teamwork.  I really, really want to do this.  He’s estimating that it will be about $200.  I think that’s a bargain, really.  But we’ll see what the hubs thinks–I’m  pretty sure I can persuade him!

 

tried something new today

Spin class!  I’ve never done it before.  I’ve been on a spin bike before in my training sessions. But never a class!  I decided that tonight was the night!

I’m always a little anxious about doing something new.  It’s a flaw of mine that I’ve been working on.  My anxiety about  new situations has actually stopped me from doing things in the past, unfortunately.  So I got my little pass and set my bike up.  I was expecting the worst because during my time on a spin bike with Fred, he puts his foot on the wheel to make it nearly impossible to move–it’s excruciatingly difficult and makes my quads burn like crazy. 

So I hopped on the bike and got to pedaling.  I am a people watcher and I notice everything:  there were people of all ages–probably early 20’s to the 60’s.  I think that’s pretty neat.  I could tell who the serious spinners were because they had their own special bike shoes.  I’m sure special shoes make a difference when riding long distance but I’m curious as to the benefits of them for spin class.  The music had already started and took it as a good sign that The Door’s Roadhouse Blues was the second song.

Admittedly, I took it a bit easier than I could have because I didn’t know what to expect.  Was I going to get 2/3 of the way through and poop out?  I’m WAY too competitive for that but I still held back.  Next time, I won’t.  I was following all the instructions and kept expecting it to feel like I was about to die.  That’s my mark of a good workout–if i feel like I might die from a heart explosion, LOL.  Sure, I was sweating like a sinner in church, but I really think that had more to do with the tiny little room I was in.  And then all of the sudden, we were cooling down and stretching.  45 minutes and I did it.  When I started, I wasn’t sure I could.  And I was keeping up with the special shoes peeps, too.

I am so proud of myself–I had no idea that my fitness level was that high.  Man, that feels so good after the shit day I had emotionally yesterday!  I need to remember that when I’m feeling down or discouraged or burned out, I should try to accomplish something new.  I’m probably not as bad off as my “funk” would have me believe!